Tuesday, May 25, 2010

16. Mike’s #2 Girl

Please Don’t Tell Her - Jason Mraz

Mike was walking around the apartment, trying to show Cosmo how to strut, when someone hit the buzzer.
Brooks was in the shower and unfortunately, Mike could never figure out how to work the ‘talking’ part of it, so he just hit the one to open the door, and then walked back away. “Ok Cosmo, you need to focus, swagger is very, very important when it comes to getting ladies.”

“And you know all about getting ladies.” Mike came to a halt as if Freddy Kruger had just whispered something into his ear. His eyes were wide and he turned around slowly, and faced the opened door.
She was the last person he expected to see.

“Oh, hey Denise… what’s up?” His voice was a bit higher than normal, but Denise didn’t notice. She stood awkwardly in the doorway, waiting.
Figuring out what she probably wanted, Mike moved towards her and opened his arms up, hugging her against his chest. He could feel her nuzzling her face into his neck and he bent forward, pressing his lips onto the top of her head. It was easy, when she wasn’t talking, to remember that there was a time when they use to get a long.

“My Boots!” Cosmo cried from behind them, resorting to her much faster transportation of crawling as she came towards him. “My boots!”

“Oh it’s ok Cosmo, it’s just Denise!” Mike cooed, releasing his grip on his girlfriend and bending over to pick up the jealous child. “Can you say Denise? Da-nee-sa?”

Cosmo grabbed onto Mike’s lip with a tiny hand, and glanced over at Denise, her mouth ajar. “So… who is this?” Denise asked, taking a step back, awkwardly.

“This is Cosmo, Brooks’ daughter.” He explained, slowly after pulling her hand away from her mouth. He couldn‘t figure out why she would even ask that.

“Since when does Brooks have a daughter?”

Mike rolled his eyes and raise his eyebrows. “Are you serious Denise? Why are we even having this conversation… god! Where have you been anyway, under a rock?”

“Away on business with the Mayor! Where I’ve been for three weeks… did you not even notice I was gone?!”

“Umm… when do you leave?”

Denise let out a infuriated growl. “I don’t leave, Mike. I’m BACK!”

“Hey! What are you yelling at him for?” Brooks asked, coming out of the bathroom just in time to see Denise’s freak-out. He was wearing nothing but a towel, slung loosely around his waist; a few, missed drops of water rolling their way down his taut chest as he watched the two of them.

“Mike didn’t realize I had left for work.” She hissed, her hands clenching into fists.

“Oh, when do you go?” Brooks asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Closing her eyes and exhaling slowly, Denise tried to remain calm. Mike was stupid and she knew Brooks was just mocking her. “Alright, I’ll just talk to you later.” She finally said quietly, turning around to leave, but Mike caught her arm.

“You don’t have to go Denise.” He said gently, tugging her arm slightly to pull her back towards him. “Brooks was taking Cosmo out to the park for a bit so… you could spend some quality time with me, if you want?”

Sighing Denise glanced past Mike and Cosmo to where Brooks was still standing. “Ok, ok!” He held up his hands, turning around and going into his room; mumbling something about being able to take a hint.

Less then a half hour later, Mike and Denise were laying on the couch, and Brooks and Cosmo were heading out to the park.
Flicking through the channels, he stopped on a travel commercial for Mexico. “If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?” Denise asked absently as she ran a finger along Mike’s bicep, which was wrapped around her waist.

“I dunno…” Miked said, slowly as he thought it over. “Oh no! I do! Back in Fiji with Brooks! That was like, the best week of my life! What about you?” Mike asked excitedly, smiling as he remembered all the fun things they’d done on the tropical island.

Denise cleared her throat. “Oh… I was gonna say… here with you…”

“Well that’s boring.” Mike heard a click and he looked up, towards the door. “Emily! Hey, what’s up?” He shouted cheerfully.

“Hey Mike… hi… Denise…” She said when she realized who else was in the apartment. “Where’s Cosmo?”

“Gone to the park with Brooks.”

“Oh, alright. I was just running to Target and I was gonna see if they wanted to come. I guess I’ll just see you guys later.” She said, giving them a small smile before she headed out the door.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes. Mike went back to watching TV and Denise chewed on her lip thoughtfully. “So… Emily’s really pretty.” She said finally, after not being able to contain the thought any longer.
She could feel Mike shrug behind her, but he didn’t say anything as he continued to focus on the TV. “Don’t you think so?”

“I guess… if you like hookers.”


“Yah, Emily’s a prostitute. You know… like the girl in The Hills.” He explained as he put his attention back to the show they were watching.

Denise sighed and rolled her eyes. “No one on the Hills is a prostitute… they’re just girls that are rich because of their dads.”

“Yah, because their dad’s pimp them out as prostitutes-”

“I’m not having this conversation with you. Why do you think she’s a prostitute?”

Mike let out a frustrated sigh. “Never mind, you wouldn’t understand anyway…”
Denise bit her tongue, and didn’t allow the thoughts out that were now filtering through her brain; no she didn’t allow her self to hiss out the fact that Brooks would understand.
She knew there was no point in arguing with him, as far as Mike was concerned no one in the world was as fantastic as Brooks was; not even her. Not even close.
“When do you leave again?” He asked finally, after the silence became unbearably heavy.


“This Wednesday? That’s like… three days away.” He mused, and Denise couldn’t tell whether he was happy or sad that she was leaving soon; or if he even felt anything at all.

She didn’t say anything, again just shrugging and not wanting to have this conversation with him. She hated talking about these types of things with him, she was sure that he was just a breath away from telling her it was over.
And maybe that would be for the best, but regardless of how he felt, she still loved him - desperately - and the last thing she wanted was for that to happen. Mike yawned as her thoughts ran away with her, and she couldn’t help but yawn too, she hadn’t realized how tired she was until she had curled up with him on the couch. “Wanna go lay down in your room?” She asked him absently. She felt him nod behind her and he sat up, taking her hand and pulling her up beside him.
As soon as she was standing, he dropped her hand and turned around, heading down the hallway without a backward glance.
Denise sighed to herself and followed after him.

Mike was laying on his back, under the covers when she made it to his room. His chest was now bare and she could see his pants laying on the floor where he’d discarded him. “I thought I said ’lay down’ not ’let’s get naked’.”

He gave her that cheeky, boy-ish grin that made her heart melt, and crossed his arms behind his head and stared up at her.
She hated when he watched her get undressed. “Don’t look, Mike.”

“I’m about to put my penis in you… what’s the difference if I see you naked first?”

“You know I don’t like that!” She complained, biting her lip as he finally nodded. He rolled over onto his side, with his back to her.
She undressed quickly and crawled into the bed beside him, pulling the covers up to her neck before he rolled back around.
“You’re gonna have to be fast.” She said suddenly, glancing over her head at the clock on the bedside table.
Groaning, she sat up, careful to keep the sheet around her as she pulled open the bedside drawer and pulled out the egg timer she’d put in there when he’d moved in here.

“Not the egg timer!” He whined as she set the dial to ten minutes.

“I need twenty minutes to clean up before I have to drop off some files at the Mayor’s office, and I only have an hour before they need to be there. That means you have exactly ten-er- nine and a half minutes left.”

“But I-”

“Nine minutes and twenty seconds, nineteen seconds, eighteen seconds…”

Mike let out an angry huff before he rolled over onto her and pushed himself into her. She wasn’t that wet, so her tightness pulled against him, causing an uncomfortable amount of friction until she was totally impaled on him.
He thrust into her a few times before he could feel the warm, familiar wet surround him.

He pushed his face into the nap of her neck and smiled against her soft skin as her hands wound their way through the hair on the back of his head. He opened his mouth and traced his tongue along her collar bone up onto her neck.
Denise shut her eyes against the mounding pleasure, but snapped them back opened again, remembering she had a meeting later. “Mike don’t slobber on me… remember I have to go to the Mayor’s-”

“Ok! Ok…” He shut his eyes again and tried to re-find his rhythm, but he found himself pumping in time with the egg timer; it would be so much easier to get into it if she didn’t always insist on using the egg timer.

He finally groaned and sat up on his knees, grabbing her hips in his hands as she squirmed to keep her body covered by the sheets.
Mike tilted his head back and moved her body, bringing it up to his forcefully.

He could feel his orgasm building to a head and he started to grunt against it, until she swatted his hand. “Don’t come in me Mike! I don’t want semen dripping out of me when I’m at work.”
Mike mumbled something to himself, something incoherent, before he pulled his thickness out of her and starting pumping his hand along his length. Denise let out a slight squeal and rolled out of the way, right before the white, sticky liquid rained down on her. "Aww! Denise! It's all over my bed now."

"I told you I didn't want semen coming out of me, Mike! Why would putting it all over me be ok?" She sighed before turning around and pulling the covers around her tighter.
Mike watched her disappear around the corner, as the egg timer went off and the sound of the shower started to come through the wall.

He heard the sound of the water hitting the floor disappear, as she stepped underneath the spray, and he could easily picture her standing there, the water pouring over her soft skin. He sighed to himself as he wished that he could just go hop in there with her; but that wasn't possible, she'd completely freak out.
If she was only leaving herself twenty minutes to get ready, that meant that she wasn’t planning on re-doing her hair… no, if he went in there now, he’d be walking back out without his nuts.

Instead he flopping back down on the bed, careful not to lay on anything wet or sticky.


  1. they’re just girls that are rich because of their dads.”

    “Yah, because their dad’s pimp them out as prostitutes-” -> BAHAHAHA. Oh Mike... seriously?

    "pulled out the egg timer she’d put in there when he’d moved in here" -> Please tell me this is a joke... Denise has a few issues: not letting Mike watch her get undressed, the egg timer, being too clingy, sheesh. And er, no foreplay. Sex with Mike is far from exciting, or should that be sex with Denise?

    He needs to ditch her - she needs to loosen up a bit...

    Guess you're going to keep us waiting about Emily though, that's just cheeky. :)

  2. Denise needs to leave, because she is kinda horrible. I love that Denise is jealous of Brooks and Mike's relationship and that Mike clearly likes Brooks better hahaha. And Mike and the Hills, LOVED IT! Great job(:

  3. Uggggh, okay, I wanted to quote the beginning part with Mike teaching Cosmo to strut and not being able to operate the buzzer, but I figured quoting the entire beginning was a bad idea. So just know that the way this started = money.

    Okay, I *do* feel bad for Denise. Reason: "Mike was stupid and she knew Brooks was just mocking her." Um, if Mike Green were my bf, I know for sure that I'd go crazy. He's funny, but not because he's funny--because he's loopy. He didn't notice Denise was gone, meaning he never missed her... if my bf didn't miss me for 3 weeks, I'd freak out, too. Just look at the title... his number TWO girl?! :( poor Denise.

    “I guess… if you like hookers.” BAHAHAHA oh Mike... like hookers can't be pretty? Oh right, you're not looking at their faces....

    Two more reasons I felt bad for Denise:
    1.) "She knew there was no point in arguing with him, as far as Mike was concerned no one in the world was as fantastic as Brooks was; not even her. Not even close."
    2.) "Denise couldn’t tell whether he was happy or sad that she was leaving soon; or if he even felt anything at all."
    So. sad. Just imagine if you were in that position, and your boyfriend didn't think you were great or apparently didn't care if you were leaving away on business.

    Ugh, wet spots on the bed. Gah-rooooss. Now I did feel bad for Mike RE: the sex. If there's any hope at all for these two to reconnect, then she's gonna have to chuck the egg timer and let Mike take charge the way he wants to. Likewise, Mike would need to, you know, actually CARE about her.

    Great update, Zigh. I feel bad for these two though.

  4. That was all kinds of awkward....Mike and Denise....

  5. The chick gotta go! Definitely does not seem at all like the type of girl Mike needs or would date for that matter.

    BTW, I love the whole little strutting things to get the girls... I'm sure Cosmo is going to need to know how to do that. LMAO!! Too cute!

  6. I don't know, the egg timer seems to me like it would cause performance issues. I guess the big question is why Mike is even going out with her? Even a doofus like he is could do better, cause he's a hockey player, right?

  7. I am with Jay, I feel bad for Denise and for Mike. They are both just so bad at everything when it comes to being together. Case and point: Mike not knowing she was gone for three weeks (I have to admit, I forgot she existed), and Denise and the egg timer.

    The whole beginning, the strutting with Cosmo, and then Cosmo's "my boots" when Mike was hugging Denise. Soo hilarious.

    This obviously has to end soon for the sake of Denise's self confidence, and so Mike can get some real ass :D But I have a sneaking suspicion that telling Denise about the whole prostitute assumption (loves the Hills thing, ps) will come back and bite them in the ass. Maybe if she breaks up with Denise she says something to Emily and ruins the potential budding relationship between her and Brooks.

    Have to admit, my favortie part amidst all the wonderfulness was when Emily stopped by to see if Cosmo and Brooks wanted to go to Target. GAHHHH I love those two.

    More, please!

  8. Totally agreeing with Jay on this one. I kind of feel bad for both Mike and Denise. I know that I'd be completely pissed if my boyfriend didn't even know I was gone for three weeks. You've gotta give the girl credit. Putting up with Mike is probably more than a handful.

    But, like I said, I feel bad for Mike too. Denise has some quirks that probably get pretty annoying when subjected to them all the time.

    "She knew there was no point in arguing with him, as far as Mike was concerned no one in the world was as fantastic as Brooks was; not even her. Not even close."
    ^^Awa ): Bromance happy but romance sad.